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Author
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Topic: Humor (Read 1048 times)
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EclypseSporthorses
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Posts: 994
Go The Distance
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Humor
« on: June 16, 2004, 08:46:08 PM » |
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All I Need to Know in Life I Learned From My Horse 
1. When in doubt, run far, far away.
2. You can never have too many treats.
3. Passing gas in public is nothing to be ashamed of.
4. New shoes are an absolute necessity every 6 weeks.
5. Ignore cues. They're just a prompt to do more work.
6. Everyone loves a good, wet, slobbery kiss.
7. Never run when you can jog. Never jog when you can walk. And never walk when you can stand still.
8. Heaven is eating for at least 10 hours a day... and then sleeping the rest.
10. Eat plenty of roughage.
11. Great legs and a nice rear will get you anywhere. Big, brown eyes help too.
12. When you want your way, stomp hard on the nearest foot.
13. In times of crisis, take a poop.
14. Act dumb when faced with a task you don't want to do.
15. Follow the herd. That way, you can't be singled out to take the blame.
16. A swift kick in the butt will get anyone's attention.
17. Love those who love you back, especially if they have something good to eat.
found this on a page & credit goes to:Submitted by Elaine Steele, Idaho
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« Last Edit: June 16, 2004, 08:48:12 PM by Christina »
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Logged
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"Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:4
~*Ride-Far-Ride-Well*~
*^The Sky's the Limit^*~
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EclypseSporthorses
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Go The Distance
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Re:Humor
« Reply #2 on: June 16, 2004, 08:56:40 PM » |
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An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse named Benny. The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull his car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched Benny to the man's car bumper. Then he yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Benny didn't move. Then he yelled, "Come on, pull Ranger." Still, Benny didn't move. Then he yelled really loud, "Now pull, Fred, pull hard." Benny just stood. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Okay, Benny, pull." Benny pulled the car out of the ditch. The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, "Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling he wouldn't even try." 
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Logged
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"Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:4
~*Ride-Far-Ride-Well*~
*^The Sky's the Limit^*~
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EclypseSporthorses
ata
Old Hand
Offline
Posts: 994
Go The Distance
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Re:Humor
« Reply #3 on: June 16, 2004, 08:59:24 PM » |
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My wife has a Quarter Horse, with shortened mane and extra long tail.
She thinks he is the finest thing that ever jogged a rail.
She calls him Dandy Darling, and if the truth I tell,
That fancy pampered Quarter Horse has made my life pure hell!
My wife she used to cook for me and serve it with champagne.
But now she'd rather feed that horse and fix him special grain!
She rides him every morning, and grooms him half the night.
And the last time that she kissed ME, was just to be polite!
He dresses better than I do, with matching wraps and ties.
My wardrobe's so neglected now, that I attract the flies!
One day my wife was shopping, she was way down at the mall.
And fancy, pampered DANDY was just a standing in his stall.
He looked so smug and sassy, that I began to grin.
I'd saddle that fat sucker up, and take him for a spin!!
I've wondered since if the cues I gave, he may have misconstrued.
Cause when I climbed aboard that horse, he rightly came UNGLUED!!!!
He bucked and spun, and snorted fire, then threw me through a fence!
I saw big stars and there are 6 teeth, that I ain't heard from since!
My wife came home and saw me, just a lying in the dirt.
She rushed up to her HORSE and asked him, "Sweetheart are you HURT?"
He'd scratched his nose a little bit, and the memory galls me yet......
She left me lying in the mud, and ran to call the VET!!!
~Author Unknown~
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Logged
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"Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:4
~*Ride-Far-Ride-Well*~
*^The Sky's the Limit^*~
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